I never used to enjoy writing. At all. I could not fathom why anyone in their right mind could find any joy in writing. Throughout high school, the word “essay” carried an emotional baggage that I had to haul around with me for days on end until I finally got it over with, which was usually the day before the assignment was due. Receiving a writing assignment entailed experiencing the five stages of grief: 1. Denial and Isolation: I refused to acknowledge the impending doom of sitting at my desk for hours, trying to put my thoughts on paper; 2. Anger: realizing I can not fight this imminent torture, I begin to take out my anger on innocent bystanders; 3. Bargaining: the helplessness within me caused thoughts such as “If only had I dropped out in sixth grade;” 4. Depression: grasping the fact that I have yet to start writing, despair and hopelessness take over my existence as happiness recedes into my memory; 5. Acceptance: reality sets in and I finally sit at my desk, staring at the blinking cursor until a blank document becomes something remotely stimulating and intelligent. This continued throughout high school and formal essay writing never become easier or more enjoyable.
My high school enforced a large focus on analytical writing and taught a very specific formula to produce a convincing argument in an essay: a five paragraph structure, including an intro with a persuasive thesis statement, three potent body paragraphs, each with three examples and explanations, and a powerfully reflective conclusion. Students were told that if they follow this formula, success was imminent; however, I never felt that I could accurately express or articulate my thoughts. I felt as though I had to write as a machine rather than a person, which reflected in my static, disinterested tone.
I received my first creative writing assignment during my junior year. The task was to tell a story using an old family photograph as a source of inspiration. Upon turning in the assignment, my English teacher, who was also my favorite teacher, took me aside. I was surprised when he told me that my paper was his favorite to read among all three of his classes. He explained that he could finally hear my voice in my writing and with that voice, I had created a moving, powerful, and poignant piece of writing. I was astounded that I could touch someone with my words, especially someone who I look up to with such great admiration. I did not think my paper was particularly outstanding while I wrote it, certainly not the best among 40 students in the junior class, and this encounter was the first in which a teacher was profoundly moved and impressed by my work. I believe what made the essay so powerful was that I wrote honestly, sharing everything with the reader and did not hide behind the limitations of the analytical formula. Being a performer, expressing my emotions and bringing my whole self to my work is something that has become second nature to me; therefore, writing an analytical essay, in which there is a certain gap between the writer and the reader, is difficult. Finally being able to write using my humor and attitude felt much more natural than writing from a disconnected and detached point of view.
After experiencing such success with that assignment, I decided to enroll in Creative Writing in my senior year. I have always been interested in a number of different art forms, both visual and performing; however, I never considered creative writing as a medium to explore. I was worried that this class would entail writing deep, emotionally stimulating poetry about teenage angst and how society just doesn’t “get” me, and I never realized how many options are under the umbrella of “Creative Writing” as an art form. Since I was taught for so many years to write analytically and to not insert my own voice into my writing, I took a while to become comfortable with composing pieces of creative writing. However, once the class began exploring screenwriting, I instantly felt in my element, and I never wanted the 50 minutes of class to end.
Films have always been a huge part of my life and I feel as though I have learned more through watching films than in any classroom, but I never considered how important the written word is in the creation of a movie. I had explored the performance and direction of film, but never really thought about scriptwriting as an art form. However, the first day I started scriptwriting, words poured out of me and characters began to manifest in my mind without my control. Because I had complete freedom to use my own voice rather than feeling constrained to following a very specific structure to please an instructor, writing became so much more enjoyable. I found myself constantly wanting to be with my characters as I began spending my free time writing. The inner struggle I had previously experienced with writing had completely vanished. I felt empowered and confident with every word I wrote and craved that feeling whenever I was not at a computer.
Before I knew it, I had written a short film. My Creative Writing teacher along with my Theatre teacher decided I should make this film a reality. With their influence, I casted, directed, and starred in my first short film, which would be presented as my high school’s final performance of the year. The production of my script was by far the most challenging, as well as the most rewarding, experience of my entire high school career. The success of the film taught me to branch out of my comfort zone and to be open to try new things. If I had not explored Creative Writing, I would have never experienced the profound sense of accomplishment and happiness of creating my short film.
Writing analytically made me feel as though I could not easily present my argument on a subject because I felt as though my voice had been taken away from me. When I was free to present an idea in a creative way, in this case through characters’ actions and emotions, writing instantly became something pleasurable and rewarding rather than grueling and debilitating. Analysis makes me feel as though I am trapped in a box, and I have never been one to do well with being constrained. I hope to one day find my voice and achieve fulfillment through analytical writing as I have through creative writing.
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